Inflation

Every now and again I do an abstract self portrait of my state of being.  It’s been a way for me to assess where I am in the grief process.  Below this are a couple of other’s along the way…

Inflation © Britt Conley

I find grief renders one unstable. And I don’t mean in the crazy sense, I mean the things that anchor you as a person are the very things that begin to dismantle as you attempt to traverse life, post trauma.  And that road one must travel requires an agility that someone suffering loss generally doesn’t have anymore.  The one below is about the day I realized that I needed to anchor and secure my heart and self for whatever the next steps of my road would bring. A fragile heart simply can’t bounce about or it will never make the journey.

Balancing Me © Britt Conley

The other great thing about rebuilding during grief… (because that is the silver lining… becoming a new you), is that your heart breaths and roars every now and again like a raging pilot light oxygenated for the glories of life. And one feels beautiful, vibrant, sexy, great and full of potential and ready for all possibility…

The Soul will play © Britt Conley

As with all growing things, it’s often not a steady journey.  Today’s drawing is about inflation.  The inflation of potential, possibility and standing up further.  Re-flating during grief often is very slow and anything but easy.  It’s like getting your train back on track but not having the tools to keep it from derailing.  Often, despite your very best plans, efforts and expectations you are left staring at another derailment.  It’s normal.  It happens and it happens because it’s like learning to walk again.  One can’t just get up and do it.  One of the things one learns from these fits and bursts of trying to get everything in place again, is that as your heart and life inflate, you need to keep it tethered and anchor yourself well so that your great anticipation doesn’t send you flying off the rails again.  So that is where I am at.  Beautifully inflating… slowing, carefully and attempting keeping my anticipation and expectations low flying.  I guess I need to know the train will go the distance before I let go.

Britt

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