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Ricochet Rumblings

So, It’s been 15 months since my daily life was derailed. I have now fully recovered from a long ten month surgical recovery, I seem to be heading forward despite all the major deaths this past year, I am creating up a storm, I finally have a great job that begins on Monday and am ready to burst like a steed at the gate, and yet I am still constrained by circumstance which is causing me to ricochet off my own walls.

Issue #1 –

My brain moves at a speed a little faster than light. My dreams are just slightly behind and the ability to act on these things at the moment is still at the starting gate. Let’s start with the Ukulele, shall we?! So I have songs that are being fully wrought and finely audibly finessed within my mind, but my novice fingers can’t keep up. It’s soooo frustrating. I’m writing guitar and bass parts on a Ukulele when I should be on at least guitar, but being unemployed for 15 months means… no guitar in sight. Every last nuance, rise and drop of each written sound is internally audible and yet I have to learn the physical language of the guitar neck before I can get them out. It’s like hearing all the Symphony Parts but having zero means to write them. Or maybe more like having a full language to speak but being stuck in a foreign country with a dog eared paper back translation dictionary. I love my ukulele time but I want to sing at my mind’s speed. Being that I think at act at the same speed with everything else it’s highly frustrating.

Issue #2 –

All in all, my current grand visual aspirations are reduced to pencil doodles each day. For every posted drawing there are numerous others that are either mentally filed or structurally addressed, but most are meant for canvas. Again, with no means to get the sizable canvas I require, they sit. I don’t want to be a pencil doodler. It pains me to know that’s all I can do at the moment, which brings me to…

Issue #3 –

I can’t start anything big, even if I had the means because I have three months left to pack my entire life and vacate our apartment so that it can be renovated. It’s like having to fight crime while dismantling the Bat cave. So, the engines are on and I’m chomping at the bit for some momentum but have been red-lit and told to hold until further notice. Which is why I currently love this song. I happened upon it on youtube today. It’s fitting: “You can’t do this, you can’t do that., you can’t go foward and you can’t go back…”

Today’s drawing is my mind after being penned in for soooo long that its creativity is ricocheting off the walls. You think this is something, wait ’til you see it rendered! On the plus side, the best thing about frustration is that it’s the worlds greatest motivator. I find I’m at my finest when faced with this situation. So today is my blurt out before I focus and fix all these “issues”.

Ricochet Ramblings © Britt Conley

Britt : )

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